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Has anyone made a list of what they want in their next partn

Has anyone made a list of what they want in their next partner? Like actually put some thought into it? I would like to see your list if you care to share.

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Dec 4

1. Emotional connection. Biggest lesson I've learned after a failed 20 year marriage is that you can try as hard as possible, do everything right, be loyal and loving to a fault, but if you don't have a connection at a deeper emotional level, it's a problem that can't be fixed. Have to be able to really connect and be able to talk, about the good and the bad, and not be afraid to bring things up that bother you.
2. Mutual attraction. Yes, it sounds superficial, but it's important. Again, lesson learned, I felt more of an attraction than she did, and it showed over the years.
3. Ability to stand on equal ground. If there's a power differential, it eats away at the relationship. She held all the power in the beginning, I absolutely worshipped her. Over the years it became less extreme, but never even close to equal. She became more and more condescending and I became more and more resentful. We both recognized it, tried to adjust, but we were never able to truly change the power dynamic between us.

If you're talking a true line-by-line "wish list", I have that as well. I work in the medical field, am almost 45, have two children, and I tend not to act my age or be drawn to those my age. The "perfect fit" would be someone 5-10 years younger, likely a nurse (who understands the field and the demands of shift work), divorced, already has a child (or children). On superficial matters, blonde hair, athletic, petite. Must love dogs, especially large-breed dogs. Snuggler/cuddler. Foodie or at least open-minded to try different types of food. Likes travel but also happy just relaxing at home. Honest and a good person.

Interesting thing is that I wasn't actively looking, wasn't even close. Too soon, figured I needed to wait at least a year. Reached out to a friend from work when I was really struggling, someone who I knew was divorced but had kept things very quiet. Met once or twice a week over coffee to talk about life. Initially it was about what I was struggling with. Then talked about her divorce, other personal issues she was having. Then talking about everything. Felt that connection. Found lots of mutual interests. Developed feelings. Maintained a safe distance for a couple more months then started talking about what I was feeling. It was mutual. That list I made wasn't done with her in mind, but going back and looking, she hits all of it. Every single point that I listed. It's like she read the book on me. Too soon but decided to take the leap, read somewhere that it's never "right person but bad timing"...if it's the right person you make the timing work. We've been seeing each other for a couple months now, and it's going really really well.

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outoftheblue72's picture
Dec 4

@Wmb72 Thank you!

Dec 4

He's making a list and checking it twice folks. Who knows what Santa may bring ya'll this Christmas.


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